Am I the only one that facepalm's at people who "That's what she said"s at everything?
I think of it as the new and easier to use "no pun intended." Hilarious if pulled off correctly, otherwise a courtesy laugh isn't even warranted.
Sunday, April 19, 2009
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
E&J
e (1:09:23 PM): http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local/Youre-Out-Youre-In-No-Youre-Out.html?yhp=1
j (1:10:05 PM): LOL
e (1:10:09 PM): hahaha
e (1:10:11 PM): "sike!"
j (1:10:17 PM): i like that link
e (1:10:49 PM): look at the bottom stories "man who hammered dog says he was trying to help"
e (1:10:51 PM): what an idiot
e (1:10:54 PM): someone should hammer his ass
j (1:11:15 PM): wow you are on fire today
j (1:10:05 PM): LOL
e (1:10:09 PM): hahaha
e (1:10:11 PM): "sike!"
j (1:10:17 PM): i like that link
e (1:10:49 PM): look at the bottom stories "man who hammered dog says he was trying to help"
e (1:10:51 PM): what an idiot
e (1:10:54 PM): someone should hammer his ass
j (1:11:15 PM): wow you are on fire today
Positive
This week at work they decided to pull a surprise drug test on the supervisors. There are about three in our center but approximately 8-9 in the whole building. I shouldn't even call it a surprise because they are given a few days notice before. In my mind, that just goes to show that they don't mind if you smoke a bowl or do lines on the weekends; just don't let it impair your work performance. They give you a little under a week to detox. Or, you can do this:
My supervisor, D, was the first on the chopping block with his official urination scheduled Tuesday. How did he do? He simply didn't show up to work.
During our morning meeting that was the buzz going around. I just heard "test" and I thought they were talking about some job related written test. Later I found out it was a drug test, and knowing so kind of explained a lot about D.
The man goes off in tangents. One minute, he's working, going about his normal tasks. The next minute he'll come up to you with a serious look, do some random high pitched laugh with a joker face, and then go back to serious. Later on, he'll look at you in the eye and ask, "The fuck is your problem?" Then, he'll discuss with you about how stupid Saw 5 was. After break, when you walk by him (in the 5 foot wide walkway) he'll go off about how you're invading his space. The man is in his mid 40's with kids.
I'm pretty desensitized at this point to let anyone phase me. It's interesting seeing the various different types of characters I work with:
There's:
-The Substance Induced Psychosis Coworker
-The Verbally Abusive, Foul Mouthed Drugdealer on the side Coworker
-The Exceptionally yet Unusually Too Friendly Coworker
-The Drop Everything to Pursue a Conversation with You and Follow You Around While You Work Coworker
-The Smelly White Guy
-The Always Mad, Small Smart Ass
-The Always Mad, Older Small Smart Ass
-The High Blood Pressured, I-Take-Out-My-Frustrations-On-Inanimate-Objects Coworker
-TLC (See previous post, update: I threw a crayon at his head)
You don't have to work with them.
My supervisor, D, was the first on the chopping block with his official urination scheduled Tuesday. How did he do? He simply didn't show up to work.
During our morning meeting that was the buzz going around. I just heard "test" and I thought they were talking about some job related written test. Later I found out it was a drug test, and knowing so kind of explained a lot about D.
The man goes off in tangents. One minute, he's working, going about his normal tasks. The next minute he'll come up to you with a serious look, do some random high pitched laugh with a joker face, and then go back to serious. Later on, he'll look at you in the eye and ask, "The fuck is your problem?" Then, he'll discuss with you about how stupid Saw 5 was. After break, when you walk by him (in the 5 foot wide walkway) he'll go off about how you're invading his space. The man is in his mid 40's with kids.
I'm pretty desensitized at this point to let anyone phase me. It's interesting seeing the various different types of characters I work with:
There's:
-The Substance Induced Psychosis Coworker
-The Verbally Abusive, Foul Mouthed Drugdealer on the side Coworker
-The Exceptionally yet Unusually Too Friendly Coworker
-The Drop Everything to Pursue a Conversation with You and Follow You Around While You Work Coworker
-The Smelly White Guy
-The Always Mad, Small Smart Ass
-The Always Mad, Older Small Smart Ass
-The High Blood Pressured, I-Take-Out-My-Frustrations-On-Inanimate-Objects Coworker
-TLC (See previous post, update: I threw a crayon at his head)
You don't have to work with them.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
It took four months...
...but I found one. What you may ask?
The Lazy Coworker (TLC)
TLC is the coworker that is just full of shit. Not just regular shit I might add, I'm talking about 93 Octane Supreme shit. I've worked various odd jobs and have yet to be proven wrong. Some common characteristics of the elusive TLC are:
1. Listening in on every conversation, often chiming in with his own personal knowledge. He or she will speak with confidence: very convincing to those who don't know otherwise. They will go off on tangents in an effort to provide substantial evidence that what he or she is saying is true.
2. Befriending those in higher positions. He or she will know other employees in higher positions on a first name basis in hopes that their relationship will pay off further down the road. This is usually a subconscious effort on their part. They don't know their Shoremone's (shit-hormones) are being secreted from their T-glands (turd glands), working their way up the body, and controlling their vocal chords.
3. Putting off work for others to finish. Haphazardly moving about in an attempt to appear to be working. When an obstacle is present they will ask for help no matter how trivial. Later on break, they will start a conversation about it and blow it out of proportion.
TLC detected. Commence Operation TLC Sabotage. I do it because: in this particular job I can.
The Lazy Coworker (TLC)
TLC is the coworker that is just full of shit. Not just regular shit I might add, I'm talking about 93 Octane Supreme shit. I've worked various odd jobs and have yet to be proven wrong. Some common characteristics of the elusive TLC are:
1. Listening in on every conversation, often chiming in with his own personal knowledge. He or she will speak with confidence: very convincing to those who don't know otherwise. They will go off on tangents in an effort to provide substantial evidence that what he or she is saying is true.
2. Befriending those in higher positions. He or she will know other employees in higher positions on a first name basis in hopes that their relationship will pay off further down the road. This is usually a subconscious effort on their part. They don't know their Shoremone's (shit-hormones) are being secreted from their T-glands (turd glands), working their way up the body, and controlling their vocal chords.
3. Putting off work for others to finish. Haphazardly moving about in an attempt to appear to be working. When an obstacle is present they will ask for help no matter how trivial. Later on break, they will start a conversation about it and blow it out of proportion.
TLC detected. Commence Operation TLC Sabotage. I do it because: in this particular job I can.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Secret Millionaire
Fox finally got something right: Secret Millionaire. An excerpt from their site:
"Secret Millionaire is a dramatic new unscripted series that takes America's wealthiest individuals away from their lavish lifestyles, sprawling mansions and private planes and places them undercover into some of the most impoverished neighborhoods in America.
Challenged with living on minimum wage, the millionaires will immerse themselves in situations beyond their comprehension. They work with with community members and befriend those in need. Then they decide who of their new-found friends, neighbors or co-workers should ultimately receive their extraordinary gifts, at least $100,000 of their own money."
http://www.fox.com/secretmillionaire/
The one episode I watched involved a magazine owner who visited a woman who ran a ranch that acted sort of like a rehabilitation center: which housed and provided work for abused women. If I had time and the will to actually watch television, I would watch this.
Which brings me to my next point: observing sincerity amongst individuals.
The strength of Secret Millionaire isn't the amount of money given away (well, it's part of the formula), but I'd say the strength is in the awareness that develops within the Millionaire and the audience. We're able to see the compassion, selflessness, and good nature that these individuals people possess and we see those same qualities develop within the giving party.
I like to think that I have a "finely tuned bullshit detector" (Maddox) also. My former passive self detected these self serving individuals and simply let them get away with things: not anymore. Restraint and discipline can only go so far but aggression and sarcasm has proved to be not only entertaining, but also rewarding.
The types of people out there are truly amazing. Lately, I've noticed an influx of Shitty People. What constitutes a shitty person? Well, there are some people that evaluate others to determine if they're worthwhile. Social, monetary, political gain... It's fucking crazy I see them everywhere. Let's just say this: if we're in a social situation and I run game on you, you're a shitty person. I constantly find myself in situations where I'm obligated to ask generic questions in which:
1. I already know the fucking answer to
2. I don't care but I'll ask anyway to avoid some sort of awkward silence
The technique is called False Conversation. It's entertaining for myself (to see what kind of shit I can come up with) and the receiving party.
There are a few people who are exceptions. Chances are if you've found this blog and I've known you on a personal level: you're an exception. If you've added me on Facebook simply because my name looks familiar then you're a fucking moron and Facebook needs to do away with that "People you may know" feature.
"Secret Millionaire is a dramatic new unscripted series that takes America's wealthiest individuals away from their lavish lifestyles, sprawling mansions and private planes and places them undercover into some of the most impoverished neighborhoods in America.
Challenged with living on minimum wage, the millionaires will immerse themselves in situations beyond their comprehension. They work with with community members and befriend those in need. Then they decide who of their new-found friends, neighbors or co-workers should ultimately receive their extraordinary gifts, at least $100,000 of their own money."
http://www.fox.com/secretmillionaire/
The one episode I watched involved a magazine owner who visited a woman who ran a ranch that acted sort of like a rehabilitation center: which housed and provided work for abused women. If I had time and the will to actually watch television, I would watch this.
Which brings me to my next point: observing sincerity amongst individuals.
The strength of Secret Millionaire isn't the amount of money given away (well, it's part of the formula), but I'd say the strength is in the awareness that develops within the Millionaire and the audience. We're able to see the compassion, selflessness, and good nature that these individuals people possess and we see those same qualities develop within the giving party.
I like to think that I have a "finely tuned bullshit detector" (Maddox) also. My former passive self detected these self serving individuals and simply let them get away with things: not anymore. Restraint and discipline can only go so far but aggression and sarcasm has proved to be not only entertaining, but also rewarding.
The types of people out there are truly amazing. Lately, I've noticed an influx of Shitty People. What constitutes a shitty person? Well, there are some people that evaluate others to determine if they're worthwhile. Social, monetary, political gain... It's fucking crazy I see them everywhere. Let's just say this: if we're in a social situation and I run game on you, you're a shitty person. I constantly find myself in situations where I'm obligated to ask generic questions in which:
1. I already know the fucking answer to
2. I don't care but I'll ask anyway to avoid some sort of awkward silence
The technique is called False Conversation. It's entertaining for myself (to see what kind of shit I can come up with) and the receiving party.
There are a few people who are exceptions. Chances are if you've found this blog and I've known you on a personal level: you're an exception. If you've added me on Facebook simply because my name looks familiar then you're a fucking moron and Facebook needs to do away with that "People you may know" feature.
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Sonic is overrated
Sonic is overrated.
Yes, we have one in Gilroy. The rarity of this fast food establishment paired with the advertising is makes this joint really enticing. It's not worth it, trust me. Sure it's a novelty parking, turning off your car, ordering food while you're parked, and having someone who can barely negotiate turns on their roller skates bring your meal. But after the first time, I don't really crave it. Jenny and I went there a few weeks ago and we got 2 meals; both with chili cheese tater tots and two drinks. Total?
17 fucking dollars.
Let's see, that's almost equivalent to 2 hungry bear breakfast platters at Black Bear Diner (which I strongly reccommend). You get: 2 eggs, hash-fucking-browns (YES), chicken fried steak, your choice of bacon or sausage, and two fluffy as hell biscuits. Oh yeah, and on the chicken fried steak there's white gravy on it.
Now, I can't finish this platter anymore. But my point isn't that I can get more for my money at some other place...in terms of quantity. I mean, if what I had at Sonic was the best motherfucking hamburger (which it wasn't) or tater tots sprinkled with flakes of gold then ok: worth it. 17 dollars? Are you kidding me?
The cherry limade is the only item worth mentioning. Think of it as a Shirley Temple, in a big styrofoam cup, with ice. Other than that, it's no wonder this chain is rare.
Yes, we have one in Gilroy. The rarity of this fast food establishment paired with the advertising is makes this joint really enticing. It's not worth it, trust me. Sure it's a novelty parking, turning off your car, ordering food while you're parked, and having someone who can barely negotiate turns on their roller skates bring your meal. But after the first time, I don't really crave it. Jenny and I went there a few weeks ago and we got 2 meals; both with chili cheese tater tots and two drinks. Total?
17 fucking dollars.
Let's see, that's almost equivalent to 2 hungry bear breakfast platters at Black Bear Diner (which I strongly reccommend). You get: 2 eggs, hash-fucking-browns (YES), chicken fried steak, your choice of bacon or sausage, and two fluffy as hell biscuits. Oh yeah, and on the chicken fried steak there's white gravy on it.
Now, I can't finish this platter anymore. But my point isn't that I can get more for my money at some other place...in terms of quantity. I mean, if what I had at Sonic was the best motherfucking hamburger (which it wasn't) or tater tots sprinkled with flakes of gold then ok: worth it. 17 dollars? Are you kidding me?
The cherry limade is the only item worth mentioning. Think of it as a Shirley Temple, in a big styrofoam cup, with ice. Other than that, it's no wonder this chain is rare.
Cupcakes
Friday I volunteered to be a driver helper, so immediately they threw me a uniform and told me to shave my face:
"A mustache can only go this length, no saggy pants, tuck in your undershirt, etc."
Not too bad, they gave me: a shirt, pants, a bini, and a jacket. I had to clean up at Ron's house and while I was there, his mom cooked us some over easy eggs and rice. Haven't had white rice in a while. I noticed that there were 3 trays of cupcakes on the counter so I asked, "Is it your birthday Ama?" She said no, it was for Jerrald's fund raiser (raising money for a track meet in New York).
On the dining table were those containers with sprinkles and decorative frosting. After scarfing one of the cupcakes down, she offered me one of Jerrald's teammates' cupcakes. With a suspicious tone:
"Try this one. Jerrald's friend made it." *big smile*
I told her, "No...the way you're offering them to me is highly suspect and I don't trust them."
Although, I really was curious about the taste. After all, she bought some "blank" cupcakes at the store and is selling them at a higher price. What a cheater.
"A mustache can only go this length, no saggy pants, tuck in your undershirt, etc."
Not too bad, they gave me: a shirt, pants, a bini, and a jacket. I had to clean up at Ron's house and while I was there, his mom cooked us some over easy eggs and rice. Haven't had white rice in a while. I noticed that there were 3 trays of cupcakes on the counter so I asked, "Is it your birthday Ama?" She said no, it was for Jerrald's fund raiser (raising money for a track meet in New York).
On the dining table were those containers with sprinkles and decorative frosting. After scarfing one of the cupcakes down, she offered me one of Jerrald's teammates' cupcakes. With a suspicious tone:
"Try this one. Jerrald's friend made it." *big smile*
I told her, "No...the way you're offering them to me is highly suspect and I don't trust them."
Although, I really was curious about the taste. After all, she bought some "blank" cupcakes at the store and is selling them at a higher price. What a cheater.
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